I'm staring at Rilos sleeping smushed face, & I just feel so blessed that I get my two handsomes for eternity. 

Wiggliest worm.

Yesterday at church I let Rilo lay on the gym floor. He was being the wiggliest of wiggle worms and my arms were feeling like jello, so to the floor he went. It was hilarious. He rolled & rolled & rolled. And kicked the floor, and threw his head back & forth, screamed, etc. It made me smile and laugh, a lot.

Karson got home late last night. It was so happy. I can't even tell you how excited I get sitting on our little couch peeking through the window waiting until a car pulls up. When I see him get out of the car I wait for a couple of seconds & then burst open the front door. I give him the biggest hug & am barely ever ready to let go. My favorite is that we are both smiling ear to ear. 

Sweet rilo sparks has a cold. It is the most awful thing to watch your little one sick. Snot has been coming out of his nose like a faucet. The only upside to him being sick is after he sneezes, he tries to suck his snot off of his lip, acting as though it is incredibly tasty. I assume it's because it's salty, haha!!

Today while I was holding him he sneezed quite a few times and each time he rubbed his cute little nose on my shirt. You could say I had a very snotty shoulder.

Today was good, I love my little family.

mama!

not the last time karson was gone, but the time before i thought to myself,

"i think just maybe this is getting a tiny bit easier."

but then sure enough, the next time he left i felt so sad.

& now this time, i just want him to come home, darn it!

i miss you love. get on a plane.

ps. darling, you scored tonight and it was just wonderful!

---

rilo has been waking up around 5am as of late. & its starting to catch up to me.

i am exhausted!! however, i am certain the only reason why i can actually roll out of bed

at that time is because of his loud, happy, squeal he does each morning.

also, i just keep thinking about how much fun it will be with a house full of little ones. 

& to have them all wanting my attention at once. that makes me feel giddy.

i am so excited to hear "mama! mama! mama!" over and over again.

isn't our little rilo sparks such a handsome?? ah!!!!!

the last time i posted was right after he was born.

he is so grown up now. & literally just started crying in his crib.

should i go get him? or just let him cry?

hardest decision ever.

happy friday night!

facts & photos

rilo sparks: 

you have the cutest rolls. but it isn't fat, it's extra skin. you look like a little monkey sometimes. you love putting your arms up over your ears, and when you do that, your skin gets all bunched up and we just love it so much.

 your hair is pretty long in the back. and its dark, but the front of your hair is getting lighter & lighter everyday. when you wear a beanie it looks like you have a mullet! you also have lots & lots of blonde peach fuzz all over your body. you are just so handsome--like your daddy :)

 your cheeks are getting chubbier, and we just want to kiss them off. you don't seem to mind all of our kisses, so i don't think we will stop--ever.

 you suck your sweet little bottom lip--alot. you also love to grunt, and make the funniest noises. you make your dad and i laugh.

 you love your face tickled. so at night when i am beyond exhausted, and you are completely wide eyed and so awake--sometimes tickling does the trick to get you back to sleep.

 as of right now, you still like sleeping a lot. and after you have fallen asleep on my chest, we cuddle for a little, but then i need to make myself useful and try to lay you down on the bed or in your bassinet--but sure enough within five minutes you realize you aren't being cuddled anymore and i have to come pick you up. & you are such a stinker bug because right when i pick you up--within two minutes you are right back asleep. but i cant lie, i absolutely love our cuddles!

.....

he is almost three weeks old, and it makes me sad how fast time goes by. i know every one says that, but it is so true. 

---

dishes are just going to have to wait because MAMA is trying to soak up every single second i have with you!

rilo.

Before rilo sparks was born, and i mean right before--i was almost dilated to a 10. The doctor had come in, and the nurse was showing me how i needed to breathe and all of that lovely stuff. It seemed like a dream. I started crying. Not because i was scared, but i just felt so happy. I cannot explain the joy that i felt. Karson started to get emotional as well. We were finally going to bring our sweet baby boy into this world. We had been patiently waiting for nine months & I just felt so grateful to Heavenly Father for giving me the chance to be a mom, and for Karson to be dad. It was overwhelming, but the very best kind. 

It is quite amazing how you can instantly love someone so much.

Rilo Sparks, you have changed our lives forever and make our hearts so happy.

we love you forever!

back labor

In the evening on March 21, 2014 Karson was heading home from soccer and called me to ask me out on a date. We decided on Happy Sumo, one of our favorites. I was going to be 38 weeks exactly the very next day. I had a feeling rill was going to come early. My belly was so tight, and i was certain it couldn't stretch anymore. But my belly wasn't the only reason why i thought he was going to come early. I had a feeling we were going to have a boy, and i was right! Just like that feeling i thought he would be coming early, i just kept it to myself. Karson got home and we headed out. I ate almost my whole plate. I was so starving that night. And just like after every meal the heart burn began. It was really awful though, the tums weren't working their magic like they normally do. We walked around riverwoods for a little while and headed into soel because they always have darling baby clothes, etc. We then met up with some friends and decided to go bowling. I scored a whopping 22. My balance was just a little off. After bowling we headed home. We got right into bed and watched a few episodes of How I Met Your Mother. Karson could barely stay awake, so i just laid in bed, and let the heartburn, burn.

 

 I woke up around midnight. My body felt so weird, i felt almost as if i was getting sick, and my body was just hurting, especially my back. I kept getting out of bed and walking around. The pain was on and off, about every 4 or 5 minutes. I dozed off in between those couple of minutes and after waking up multiple times to the pain i thought, maybe these are contractions? I had no idea that you could have back labor--thank the heavens for google! I laid there and started timing the contractions. It went from about 5 minutes to 2 and a half very quickly. Karson was holding my hand while still trying to sleep, except evertime a contraction came i probably squeezed his hand to death. I told Karson that this could maybe be it, but i wasn't sure, and i definitely didn't want it to be a false alarm. It was about 2:45am now, and i decided to call my mom and ask her what she thought. After we hung up, i noticed some spotting and yelled downstairs to Karson that it was time to go to the hospital!

7:42

a year ago yesterday my handsome karson got down on his knee at 7:42pm and asked me to be his wife. and i love that day so much.

 sometimes i still cant believe that i get my favorite person in this entire world, forever. that is the greatest thing i've ever heard. forever with
karson payton!

35 weeks.

i am sitting in my living room and looking outside. there are so many moms walking their sweet little sunshines in their cute strollers, and i feel a little envious. however, i am just enjoying these last couple weeks as much as i can because it is the only time ever karson and i will have alone again. after our baby boy gets here life is going to be so different, but in such an amazing way and we feel so blessed and excited.

life is getting busier. and when i say life is getting busier i mean karsons life is. i have now officially conquered entertaining myself at our home, alone, every day. but lets be honest, i wont be alone every single day much longer!

35 weeks: 

-my body hurts, and my belly is stretching like crazy-- no stretch marks yet though, thank goodness!

-i have to pee all of the time. and i mean it when i say all of the time.

-baby boy kicks a ton, and sometimes its so hard that it hurts me just a little. or wakes me up and there is no point in trying to go back to sleep because once he gets started, he doesn't stop. i love it.

-my ankles haven't started swelling yet, but after a long day of standing my feet definitely need to be propped up on a pillow.

-i am so hungry, most of the time. but some days the morning sickness decides to come back and i have a difficult time with deciding what i want.

-i really enjoy creamies.

&

-hes getting so big and strong inside my belly that i have a hard time getting a good breath of air.

33 more days until april 5th.

yippppeee!

forget the butterflies.

just a couple of days ago we had a quick-ish trip to the ER. karson had left for soccer practice, which left me home alone. i started to get cramps. which usually isn't the best sign when you're pregnant. & these cramps were making me hurt really really bad. soon after, i started getting other symptoms/signs of going into labor. i called karson a million times, but he was in a meeting, so i called my mom. she said to call the doctor, and doctor was out of town and not answering. so then i called the hospital. & it was a machine talking to me. so i hung up and the water works started coming.

i felt scared. i wasn't ready for our baby to get here yet! not that i don't want him, but i knew it was be a very scary process, especially with me being only 28 weeks. (29 tomorrow). 

karson finally answered, and he raced home. we decided it was best to go to the ER and go from there. We did all sorts of tests, and listened to the baby's heartbeats and kicks for a couple hours--which was a very wonderful treat! they finally decided that it was a "tense uterus" (whatever that means) which was giving me these horrible symptoms. they gave me medicine to calm it down and away we went!

so grateful, & happy that our baby boy is still in my stomach growing and getting the nutrients that he needs. & it is such a lovely thing worrying and caring about someone that you haven't even met yet! karson and i are so excited to meet our little one.

(this picture was taken AFTER all of the tests, and everything was perfect with our baby).

the next day karson & i went up to park city for the film festival with abby and maddy. we ate at a restaurant that wasn't very good, and then saw a film that was funny & sad but at the same time not that great. however, it was a fun little outing in park city. main street is just so cute.

my love and i. i found a quote today and it says, "forget the butterflies, i feel the whole zoo when i am with you." isn't it wonderful? ---& its so true handsome :)

it was a blur.

the month of december went by oh so quickly,
and i am already feeling like january is flying past me.

karson and i picking up our first christmas tree.

a weekend trip up to salt lake with my family. & i decided to go blonde.

a baby who is growing so very quickly -- only 12 more weeks!

my handsome husbands birthday. he is a new years babe!

we moved to provo. & are beyond thrilled about it.
also, having the provo bakery exactly 1 minute away i think would make anyone happy :)