sonny wilde payton

to: my sonny bug.

you are now almost ten months. i cannot even believe it! its incredible how much faster time goes when you want it to slow down. i remember in high school i wanted time to just fly by so i could turn sixteen and start driving. getting married and then now being a mama, every single day seriously is the sweetest treasure. i have been wanting to write your story of how we first met you for so long now, and am FINALLY getting around to it.
in the beginning of may 2015 we found out we were pregnant with you! we had been trying for a while & i had literally taken a pregnancy test like every other day, just hoping. we were so so happy with your older brother rilo, and just couldn't wait to add another little perfect sweetheart to the mix.
i had surprised rilo and your daddy by renting a puppy for family night. rilo hated it. and then the puppy pooped all over our carpet. so that was fun. after the hour and a half were up, i had to meet the owners of the puppy at target. our house was out of range, so we had to meet in the middle. your dada kept rilo at home, and i drove to target with the puppy and dropped him off to the owners! i got back into my car, and thought....maybe i should just run in to target and grab a pregnancy test!!! (even though i had PROMISED myself i would not buy another one until i started feeling some morning sickness). but i couldn't handle it. i ran into target and grabbed a pregnancy test, and a few other things in case i ran into someone i knew, i didn't want anyone to know! i hurried home after checking out, and walked slowly upstairs, hiding the test. i drank a ton of water, (all in secret) and carefully opened the box, so daddy couldn't hear. and went into the bathroom. ............ i walked back out, and looked at karson and told him that i bought a pregnancy test and just peed on the stick. (sorry so up front, im giggling right now). he was like, "WHAT??! another one?!" i would always leave the test right on the floor in the bathroom and shut the door, pacing back and forth in the family room. after a couple minutes i very bravely opened that bathroom door and looked down at the test. PREGNANT 3-4 weeks. I was thrilled but a little hesitant. we had previously miscarried at just 8 weeks, and with the miscarriage i didn't feel any morning sickness and knew something wasn't right. and because i was only 3-4 weeks, i felt like i couldn't get excited until about 5-6 weeks (with rilo that is when i started getting really icky). although, as hesitant as i was, i walked out of the bathroom teary eyed (because i was happy) and told karson and baby rilo the news. karson was so so happy, which made my hesitance ease up a bit.
after a few weeks, sure enough the nausea settled right in and i couldn't of been happier to be throwing up!!! that sounds so silly, because throwing up is the absolute worst, but every time i did, i was so happy after. i felt miserable, but was happy.
i knew i wanted another baby, but the thoughts did cross my mind, "will i love this baby as much as i love rilo??" "will rilo be alright with a baby??" "rilo is still a baby!!! will he be so sad?" i really was concerned. i was so excited too though. so many extreme pregnancy emotions, my goodness!! Heavenly Father blessed me a lot though. i wanted to still be the best and most fun mama for rilo, and with that being said, i only threw up maybe once in the morning, and mostly at night after i put rilo down. i was able to play play play during the day (as exhausted as i was). i was so grateful. it really was perfect.
the months went by, i would still throw up occasionally after 20 weeks and once i finished getting sick, my back and hips and legs were KILLER!!! at one point sonny bug, i had to limp to walk! and once that was over, i moved right on to something else. my belly was poppin' and it was just all around difficult to move. towards the end of my pregnancy, rilo and i spent quite a bit of time watching mother goose club in bed.
your due date was january 25th. rilo was two weeks early, so i was certain you'd be there a few weeks early. a few days after christmas, i woke up to some pretty gnarly contractions. every 2 ish minutes. i thought, "HALLELUJAH!!!!" i woke karson up and said this might be it. i was up until 4 in the morning and then they completely stopped. i went to bed, thinking that maybe something would happen that day later on, and nothing did.
i remember as ready as my body was to have you sonny love, my brain was going crazy. i was so so nervous for your older brother. i was scared to go to the hospital and not be able to put him to bed. i was nervous that he would be scared or confused. and the list went on. on the 19th of january (a monday) we were scheduled to induce you. the night before i called the hospital and told them to cancel it. i just didn't feel right about it for some odd reason. & on january 21st i asked your dada to give me a blessing of comfort. i was sooo ready to meet you, but i needed my worried thoughts about your older brother to just calm down. the next day i actually was out and about with your aunt abby taking pictures for our little business. i felt completely fine. i got home around 4:30pm and your daddy had to hurry and head out to class at uvu. i was thinking about driving him there to drop him off so rilo and i could go to target to just walk around, but i just felt soooo tired. your daddy left and within five minutes of him leaving i texted him and said, "please leave your phone turned on and next to you just in case." he normally couldn't text in that class, so i wanted to be safe.
i got rilo into his high chair and started to make some dinner. i started getting really strong contractions. it was all coming on so quickly. I WASN'T READY (i needed to clean, and wash our sheets, and do all of these crazy nesting deals that i had no time for). i texted daddy and said i was having contractions. he called and asked if he should leave class. i told him no not yet and that i would let him know. we hung up and within two minutes (two different sets of contractions) i called him back and said COME HOME NOW!!!! i started cleaning. frantically. i was vacuuming doubled over while rilo was playing. it was a little after 6 and i told daddy to call your grandma robin and let her know that we would need her soon to come sit at the house. I told karson i refused to go to the hospital until after i put rilo to bed. so i told him to tell your grandma robin not until 8ish.
when i had rilo, everything moved soooooo slooooowwww. so i thought i would be completely fine. and i didn't want to just sit in that hospital bed for forever. and i really really really just wanted to put rilo to bed. by the time 7pm came along i was basically crying. the contractions hurt so so bad. i hopped into a warm tub and that helped a teensy bit. i got back out and told dada to tell whoever it was that was going to sit at our house while rilo slept that they needed to come ASAP. rilo was going to need to go to bed a half hour earlier than normal. we said our family prayer, and then i started reading to rilo. everytime a contraction came my face started to tingle, and i would try so hard to not cry and just keep reading rilos book. he would look at me and give me loves everytime a contraction came and went. it was the sweetest. i sang him songs with a very shaky voice, and put him in bed. i closed his door and was READY TO GO. i was crazy mama. seriously. i was one of those crazy pregnant women in labor and might have said a few not so nice words. i needed my epidural. your aunt and uncle got to our house to sit with rilo and then we headed to the hospital. i told your dada he needed to drive way faster because he seriously was going like five miles over the speed limit and i couldn't even feel my face because the pain was just awful. (this is so funny to type, in the moment it is so terrible and painful but now its making me laugh). we got to the hospital and i had a contraction in the parking lot. i sat down on the side walk and was laying on my side because i told daddy i just couldn't do it. (hahahaha, someone actually asked if i was alright. just a ginormous whale laying on the sidewalk of a parking lot in freezing weather). once the contraction was over, i got up and ran. i needed the epidural and did not want another contraction.
we got in and actually went to the emergency entrance because the main entrance was closed. i saw a wheel chair and knew another contraction was coming so i sat right down and started taking deep breaths. (seriously for those mamas who do it without an eipidural, you GO!!! because those things hurt so bad, and breathing doesn't even help me, it just makes it worse). i told daddy "go find someone to take me to where i need to go". i kept apologizing to him because i was so bossy, and felt so bad about it. a nurse took us to labor and delivery, and got us all checked in. the first thing i said was,"i need the epidural man, like now". i also kept apologizing to the nurses because i was such a stinker! a few not very nice words slipped out of my mouth because those dang contractions! they measured me and i was already dilated to a 7! (when i had rilo i got the epidural when i was dilated at a 4!) it seemed like a million years but they got the epidural in and everything was good, really good. they give you a button to press every 15 minutes depending on the pain. if you dont want to feel a thing, or maybe you like to feel a little, so you can press it to your desire. i pressed it once and it took the edge off.
my water broke. the nurse said after all of the years she had been there she had never seen so much water. my belly legitimately deflated. it was all baby now. i started pushing. the docter came in after a little and it was all happening so fast!
i pushed you out pretty quick, i think it was about 40ish minutes maybe quicker. when you came out everyone who was in the room with us saw you before i did, they all said "he is such a big boy!!" they laid you on my chest and i was crying the happiest tears, really. you were 9 pounds 11 ounces of pure heaven, and every single worry i had washed right away. you were and are so perfect, and i couldn't even believe i was worried that i "might" not love you as much as rilo. my heart burst when i met you sonny wilde! and grew a million times more.
they stamped your foot on a card and your foot almost didnt fit! the nurses loved how you were already chunky and so did your daddy and i!!! you had a lot of black hair, and tan skin (jaundice). we didn't have a name for you yet, so you were baby boy for a while (about a week after leaving the hospital, oops!)
the next day, daddy brought your brother over to meet you. rilo always pointed to my belly and said "baby!" and would give my belly kisses. when he saw i didn't have quite the belly anymore, he was so confused! he was excited to meet you. a little hesitant at first, but got comfortable really quick. seeing the two of you together was the best thing your daddy and i had every seen. it made us both so overwhelmed with happiness.
after lots of names coming and going, we finally decided on Sonny Wilde Payton. it fit you perfectly.
you bring so much joy to our family sonny, and we are so so SO happy you chose us!

love you forever baby boy.


I'm staring at Rilos sleeping smushed face, & I just feel so blessed that I get my two handsomes for eternity. 


Wiggliest worm.

Yesterday at church I let Rilo lay on the gym floor. He was being the wiggliest of wiggle worms and my arms were feeling like jello, so to the floor he went. It was hilarious. He rolled & rolled & rolled. And kicked the floor, and threw his head back & forth, screamed, etc. It made me smile and laugh, a lot.
Karson got home late last night. It was so happy. I can't even tell you how excited I get sitting on our little couch peeking through the window waiting until a car pulls up. When I see him get out of the car I wait for a couple of seconds & then burst open the front door. I give him the biggest hug & am barely ever ready to let go. My favorite is that we are both smiling ear to ear. 
Sweet rilo sparks has a cold. It is the most awful thing to watch your little one sick. Snot has been coming out of his nose like a faucet. The only upside to him being sick is after he sneezes, he tries to suck his snot off of his lip, acting as though it is incredibly tasty. I assume it's because it's salty, haha!!

Today while I was holding him he sneezed quite a few times and each time he rubbed his cute little nose on my shirt. You could say I had a very snotty shoulder.
Today was good, I love my little family.



not the last time karson was gone, but the time before i thought to myself,
"i think just maybe this is getting a tiny bit easier."
but then sure enough, the next time he left i felt so sad.
& now this time, i just want him to come home, darn it!
i miss you love. get on a plane.

ps. darling, you scored tonight and it was just wonderful!
rilo has been waking up around 5am as of late. & its starting to catch up to me.
i am exhausted!! however, i am certain the only reason why i can actually roll out of bed
at that time is because of his loud, happy, squeal he does each morning.

also, i just keep thinking about how much fun it will be with a house full of little ones. 
& to have them all wanting my attention at once. that makes me feel giddy.
i am so excited to hear "mama! mama! mama!" over and over again.

isn't our little rilo sparks such a handsome?? ah!!!!!
the last time i posted was right after he was born.
he is so grown up now. & literally just started crying in his crib.
should i go get him? or just let him cry?
hardest decision ever.

happy friday night!


facts & photos

rilo sparks: 
you have the cutest rolls. but it isn't fat, it's extra skin. you look like a little monkey sometimes. you love putting your arms up over your ears, and when you do that, your skin gets all bunched up and we just love it so much.
 your hair is pretty long in the back. and its dark, but the front of your hair is getting lighter & lighter everyday. when you wear a beanie it looks like you have a mullet! you also have lots & lots of blonde peach fuzz all over your body. you are just so handsome--like your daddy :)
 your cheeks are getting chubbier, and we just want to kiss them off. you don't seem to mind all of our kisses, so i don't think we will stop--ever.
 you suck your sweet little bottom lip--alot. you also love to grunt, and make the funniest noises. you make your dad and i laugh.
 you love your face tickled. so at night when i am beyond exhausted, and you are completely wide eyed and so awake--sometimes tickling does the trick to get you back to sleep.
 as of right now, you still like sleeping a lot. and after you have fallen asleep on my chest, we cuddle for a little, but then i need to make myself useful and try to lay you down on the bed or in your bassinet--but sure enough within five minutes you realize you aren't being cuddled anymore and i have to come pick you up. & you are such a stinker bug because right when i pick you up--within two minutes you are right back asleep. but i cant lie, i absolutely love our cuddles!
he is almost three weeks old, and it makes me sad how fast time goes by. i know every one says that, but it is so true. 
dishes are just going to have to wait because MAMA is trying to soak up every single second i have with you!



Before rilo sparks was born, and i mean right before--i was almost dilated to a 10. The doctor had come in, and the nurse was showing me how i needed to breathe and all of that lovely stuff. It seemed like a dream. I started crying. Not because i was scared, but i just felt so happy. I cannot explain the joy that i felt. Karson started to get emotional as well. We were finally going to bring our sweet baby boy into this world. We had been patiently waiting for nine months & I just felt so grateful to Heavenly Father for giving me the chance to be a mom, and for Karson to be dad. It was overwhelming, but the very best kind. 
It is quite amazing how you can instantly love someone so much.
Rilo Sparks, you have changed our lives forever and make our hearts so happy.
we love you forever!


back labor

In the evening on March 21, 2014 Karson was heading home from soccer and called me to ask me out on a date. We decided on Happy Sumo, one of our favorites. I was going to be 38 weeks exactly the very next day. I had a feeling rill was going to come early. My belly was so tight, and i was certain it couldn't stretch anymore. But my belly wasn't the only reason why i thought he was going to come early. I had a feeling we were going to have a boy, and i was right! Just like that feeling i thought he would be coming early, i just kept it to myself. Karson got home and we headed out. I ate almost my whole plate. I was so starving that night. And just like after every meal the heart burn began. It was really awful though, the tums weren't working their magic like they normally do. We walked around riverwoods for a little while and headed into soel because they always have darling baby clothes, etc. We then met up with some friends and decided to go bowling. I scored a whopping 22. My balance was just a little off. After bowling we headed home. We got right into bed and watched a few episodes of How I Met Your Mother. Karson could barely stay awake, so i just laid in bed, and let the heartburn, burn.
 I woke up around midnight. My body felt so weird, i felt almost as if i was getting sick, and my body was just hurting, especially my back. I kept getting out of bed and walking around. The pain was on and off, about every 4 or 5 minutes. I dozed off in between those couple of minutes and after waking up multiple times to the pain i thought, maybe these are contractions? I had no idea that you could have back labor--thank the heavens for google! I laid there and started timing the contractions. It went from about 5 minutes to 2 and a half very quickly. Karson was holding my hand while still trying to sleep, except evertime a contraction came i probably squeezed his hand to death. I told Karson that this could maybe be it, but i wasn't sure, and i definitely didn't want it to be a false alarm. It was about 2:45am now, and i decided to call my mom and ask her what she thought. After we hung up, i noticed some spotting and yelled downstairs to Karson that it was time to go to the hospital!