six lovely months

we celebrated our "six month anniversary" on sunday. however, the celebration turned into a weekend event. karson took me to dinner and then surprised me with a night getaway to sundance. i love my hunny. we've been married six months, but it seems so much longer--in a very good way of course.

when karson and i liked loved? each other when i was a freshmen in high school, i remember he always wanted to hold my hand. if you know me VERY well, you know that i get sweaty hands... and its not just when im nervous. its majority of the time. its embarrassing, i know. back then though, it was absolutely mortifying to me if anyone knew that i got sweaty hands. (i even remember crying about it once).

anyway, we were at a friends house, and she had a small decorative fountain in her home that was running with nice, cold water. karson and i were sitting by it, and he kept reaching for my hand and of course i kept avoiding it. for some reason i suddenly had the urge to tell him that "i dont like to hold hands because they get sweaty and it makes me nervous".

karson being karson probably laughed (i dont remember) but i do remember him putting his hand in the fountain, pulled it out, and said "madeleine now my hand is sweaty too, so we can hold hands."

i fell in love right at that moment.

karson continues to surprise me with things like "sticking his hand in a fountain" for me.

and i will always love him so much for that and feel so grateful that i got to marry him, and to continue to grow with him each day.

i'm so in love.

ps. we are 19 weeks along, & the baby wont stop moving. i am absolutely loving it!

a picnic up the canyon.

just a few days ago karson told me it was "my day" and that we could do whatever i wanted. i surprised him with a picnic - pork burrito from cafe rio - chips - and two sodas, diet coke for me and diet pepsi for him.

mm, cafe rio sounds so good right now, and its only 11 am, yikes! that is currently one of my few cravings... i am just glad that i have moved on from sunflower seeds to actual meals!

i believe that my inability to smile is from pregnancy, or at least i hope it is. we tried and tried to take a cute picture together (that i liked), but karson told me "maybe today just isn't the day". i was determined to take a couple more, especially since karson looked like a rockstar in every single picture. even my photo album wouldn't disagree with me! we eventually got one that i was OK with, and i am pretty sure i stomped back to the car, with karson laughing behind me. (from now on, in pictures i think i will just look emotionless?)



my belly is growing. so quickly. and feeling our baby each day, i cant even express to you how exciting it is feeling the little one move. even though i don't get much sleep, i love that its mostly at nighttime when i get to feel our wiggle worm the most.
the other night i had a dream that our baby was already born. it was a boy (which it usually is in all of my dreams of babies, and on occasion a baby girl will be there instead), which makes me so convinced that it is a sweet little boy. however everyone else is certain its a girl. which would be just as amazing as a boy. however, time will tell! (only a week and a half until our gender ultrasound! so excited!!)
anyway, the baby was already born, and he was sleeping just right down the hall from me and karsons room. the dream felt so real, that my entire nights rest turned into a very light sleep (actually i am not even sure if i really slept at all) to make sure i could hear if our baby was crying. when i got up the next morning, i realized that the night before even though it was just a dream was how it was going to be for probably a lot of the rest of my life. but you know what? i cant wait. i say that now, not knowing how exhausted i truly am going to be, but really. i think about karson and i being parents, and my heart wants to explode.

22 more weeks to go!

happy halloween!

i just love halloween. dressing up is one of my very favorite things. & you better believe

that i am already thinking of what me, karson, and our sweet little baby will be for next year!

& hopefully my love wont have a cast on next halloween. he broke his ankle just the night before,

but still let me dress him up because he knows how much i love this holiday.

(i also think he didn't pass it up because it was his only chance to get a pair of leggings on) :)

just a few days ago (the 29th to be exact) i woke up very suddenly because something in my belly was

definitely doing flips or something of the sort. it was the first time i had felt anything like that

and i knew instantly that it was baby payton.

it was only 6 in the morning and karson was still sound asleep so i yelled at him

 "the baby is moving!!!!"

i probably scared the living daylights out of him, but i just couldn't let him miss it!

however, even if he did miss it, there have been multiple opportunities since then to feel our little kicker! feeling the baby for the very first time was such a wonderful moment and ohhh it made me SO HAPPY.

having a baby.

it feels like an eternity when i think about when we "found out" we were

having a baby.

i remember for about a week, i was noticing some serious changes in my body.

i naturally thought i was getting a bug, or maybe that tennessee

was really getting me and it was time to head back to utah.

i wasn't sure, but come to find out, it wasn't either of those.

my sister was in town, and the more we went out to eat, the more my stomach would turn.

the night before she left, we all went out to eat, and i knew something was up when

i was having a hard time keeping down my BLT (aka, amazing sandwich).

i whispered to karson later that night that we needed a pregnancy test, asap.

the next day we dropped gabrielle off at the airport and headed home.

i felt too sick to do anything, so back to bed i went.

karson left for work and told me to go to the store to get what i needed.

i was so scared.

but kind of excited.

but nervous, because this wasn't planned, and i am kind of a "planner" with things like this.

i took one pregnancy test.

and it was VERY positive.

but then my crazy brain told me that it wasn't right so i took a second one.

that one was very positive as well.

i was so so stunned. & then i cried because i felt so happy.

karson was still at work and kept calling me asking if i had taken a test yet.

i had to lie. i didn't want to tell him on the phone!

so i whipped out my artistic skills to make the surprise a little more fun. (i know, i am amazing.)

 he was so excited, and it was such a sweet moment for both of us.

and i loved seeing my handsome hunny so thrilled.

-almost 17 weeks pregnant.
-growing so quickly, my belly feels like it could pop.
-i can actually sit by karson when he eats dinner now.
-i am starting to have some good days, which makes my life so much better.
-our baby loves to kick, and hearing its heartbeat makes my heart feel so excited.

pregnancy.

my handsome hubby and i are having a baby, and our hearts are so happy!

i have so many things to write, but i've erased my sentence a million times

just not knowing how to say it.

really quick, i am pretty positive that i have every pregnancy symptom there

was ever made. nausea (morning sickness all day long), emotional roller coaster, 

fatigue, leg cramps, back ache, smells make me spin, headaches, etc.

please do not think that i am in any way complaining! i read this thing on one

of my MANY pregnancy apps... that having symptoms such as i do, is a good

thing & the hormones are all working. 

so anytime i throw up, or am dry heaving (sorry, this is for me to remember)

i just think, ok my hormones are working, which means the baby is doing its 

amazing thing that it needs to do.

i am not going to lie though. feeling sick all day does occasionally get to me,

and there have been some tears shed, but karson is always right there telling me

its going to be ok. which does help tremendously.

on a funnier note.

one of my symptoms i wrote was "emotional roller coaster".

even though i feel sick most of the day, there are some foods that

sound somewhat good to me, and those foods i can usually keep

down really well. one of those foods is a -vegas roll- from happy

sumo. i think it has to do with it being fried, and somewhat a comfort

food. anyway, last night karson and i went there on a double date.

i ordered my vegas roll and was so excited to get that thing in my mouth.

my first emotional experience in public:

we went out with one of karsons good friends from middle school, and he

was talking about how him and karson used to sit outside and karson would look at me

and tell his friend that one day he was going to marry me.

i've heard these stories a thousand times, and they always touch my

heart and make me happy... but we were at dinner, and all of a sudden i 

can feel my eyes watering. yes, i was about to start crying! it was just

such a cute story, and of course they were happy tears, but i had absolutely

no control! however, no one noticed so i thought i was definitely off the hook.

but then there was a 2nd:

ever since karson introduced me to the vegas roll, i have been a very big

fan of the -end pieces- on the rolls. so i'll start eating from the middle to 

the ends.

karson knows that. and last night when the waitress brought our food,

i first glanced at the end pieces to see "how they looked". and one

of my end pieces looked incredibly tasty, and my taste buds were

salivating, which doesn't happen that often anymore. so you can imagine

my excitement to eat those two end pieces.

i had just eaten a couple of pieces in the middle and looked away for literally two seconds.

i looked back and in the corner of my eye, i can see karsons face. and it was a
"i just

did something and I'm trying not to smile face". so i don't hesitate for one second

and look straight down at my plate and he had eaten the end piece that had made

my taste buds salivate.

i looked at him, and asked him why on earth he did that. and then my eyes started to

get really really big (which happens when I'm about to start crying, and karson

knows that look oh so well). he immediately starts telling me how sorry he is,

and that he feels so bad, and kept pulling me in to hug me. but then it just happened. 

i started to cry. and it wasn't just crying, it was very close to sobbing. & in happy sumo!

that is a little embarrassing, maybe a lot embarrassing. i made the other date laugh. 

which is a good thing i suppose.

oh pregnancy and the wonderful emotions it brings along with it!

ps. sorry if that did not make any sense. i feel like i don't even know how to write

anymore, and i am most definitely going to blame it on pregnancy brain.

&

ps, one more time. karson is going to be the best daddy around, and that makes my 

heart happy!

birthday cake fiasco

my birthday happened yesterday.

& sometimes i really wish that it occurred more than just once a year,

but it doesn't.

so when the day comes you can guarantee it is a well planned day, along with a well planned

birthday week!

---

a couple of weeks ago we went to Buffalo Wild Wings for the first time,

and i have been craving it ever since.

as part of my birthday week, i planned to go there the night before my

birthday, which we did!

& it was definitely satisfying.

 we got home from dinner and a couple of errands.

& i started making my birthday cake.

"mud pie"

my mom has made this cake for me ever since i can remember,

so of course it was needed... even if she wasn't here to make it.

---

while i was cake making, karson was wrapping presents.

---

we started a new tradition.

once the clock strikes midnight, you get to open "just one present!"

& i am pretty sure this tradition started because karson is the worst

secret keeper, and could not wait for me to see all of my new surprises.

which were all darling, by the way.

(he has the best taste).

oh, & isn't his wrapping job amazing?

(he used some of my elastic for a ribbon).

 i woke up to the nicest notes, and he got me some flowers.

 i had a birthday cake fiasco.

i taste tested my "mud pie" to make sure it was up to par,

& IT WASN"T.

which tends to happen to me quite often when i am trying to make something exactly like my mama.

it just never tastes as good.

i was distraught. and about to have the teeniest melt down.

so we hurried and whipped up a vanilla cake, with pink frosting.

& it was a "happy" birthday again, and wouldn't of happened without karson!

ps. 20 candles takes a VERY big breath to blow out.

goop.

i found a face cleansing gem on pinterest.

my face feels so smooth, and my complexion looks kind of awesome.

(i am not bragging, just being honest.)

please please please try this out!

1 T. ground up oats (i put a handful of oats in my blender.

1 tsp. baking soda

2 tsp. water

this goop is very goopy, and looks a bit disgusting.

leave it on your face for 20 minutes 

and your face will feel and look fabulous!