sonny wilde payton

to: my sonny bug.

you are now almost ten months. i cannot even believe it! its incredible how much faster time goes when you want it to slow down. i remember in high school i wanted time to just fly by so i could turn sixteen and start driving. getting married and then now being a mama, every single day seriously is the sweetest treasure. i have been wanting to write your story of how we first met you for so long now, and am FINALLY getting around to it.
in the beginning of may 2015 we found out we were pregnant with you! we had been trying for a while & i had literally taken a pregnancy test like every other day, just hoping. we were so so happy with your older brother rilo, and just couldn't wait to add another little perfect sweetheart to the mix.
i had surprised rilo and your daddy by renting a puppy for family night. rilo hated it. and then the puppy pooped all over our carpet. so that was fun. after the hour and a half were up, i had to meet the owners of the puppy at target. our house was out of range, so we had to meet in the middle. your dada kept rilo at home, and i drove to target with the puppy and dropped him off to the owners! i got back into my car, and thought....maybe i should just run in to target and grab a pregnancy test!!! (even though i had PROMISED myself i would not buy another one until i started feeling some morning sickness). but i couldn't handle it. i ran into target and grabbed a pregnancy test, and a few other things in case i ran into someone i knew, i didn't want anyone to know! i hurried home after checking out, and walked slowly upstairs, hiding the test. i drank a ton of water, (all in secret) and carefully opened the box, so daddy couldn't hear. and went into the bathroom. ............ i walked back out, and looked at karson and told him that i bought a pregnancy test and just peed on the stick. (sorry so up front, im giggling right now). he was like, "WHAT??! another one?!" i would always leave the test right on the floor in the bathroom and shut the door, pacing back and forth in the family room. after a couple minutes i very bravely opened that bathroom door and looked down at the test. PREGNANT 3-4 weeks. I was thrilled but a little hesitant. we had previously miscarried at just 8 weeks, and with the miscarriage i didn't feel any morning sickness and knew something wasn't right. and because i was only 3-4 weeks, i felt like i couldn't get excited until about 5-6 weeks (with rilo that is when i started getting really icky). although, as hesitant as i was, i walked out of the bathroom teary eyed (because i was happy) and told karson and baby rilo the news. karson was so so happy, which made my hesitance ease up a bit.
after a few weeks, sure enough the nausea settled right in and i couldn't of been happier to be throwing up!!! that sounds so silly, because throwing up is the absolute worst, but every time i did, i was so happy after. i felt miserable, but was happy.
i knew i wanted another baby, but the thoughts did cross my mind, "will i love this baby as much as i love rilo??" "will rilo be alright with a baby??" "rilo is still a baby!!! will he be so sad?" i really was concerned. i was so excited too though. so many extreme pregnancy emotions, my goodness!! Heavenly Father blessed me a lot though. i wanted to still be the best and most fun mama for rilo, and with that being said, i only threw up maybe once in the morning, and mostly at night after i put rilo down. i was able to play play play during the day (as exhausted as i was). i was so grateful. it really was perfect.
the months went by, i would still throw up occasionally after 20 weeks and once i finished getting sick, my back and hips and legs were KILLER!!! at one point sonny bug, i had to limp to walk! and once that was over, i moved right on to something else. my belly was poppin' and it was just all around difficult to move. towards the end of my pregnancy, rilo and i spent quite a bit of time watching mother goose club in bed.
your due date was january 25th. rilo was two weeks early, so i was certain you'd be there a few weeks early. a few days after christmas, i woke up to some pretty gnarly contractions. every 2 ish minutes. i thought, "HALLELUJAH!!!!" i woke karson up and said this might be it. i was up until 4 in the morning and then they completely stopped. i went to bed, thinking that maybe something would happen that day later on, and nothing did.
i remember as ready as my body was to have you sonny love, my brain was going crazy. i was so so nervous for your older brother. i was scared to go to the hospital and not be able to put him to bed. i was nervous that he would be scared or confused. and the list went on. on the 19th of january (a monday) we were scheduled to induce you. the night before i called the hospital and told them to cancel it. i just didn't feel right about it for some odd reason. & on january 21st i asked your dada to give me a blessing of comfort. i was sooo ready to meet you, but i needed my worried thoughts about your older brother to just calm down. the next day i actually was out and about with your aunt abby taking pictures for our little business. i felt completely fine. i got home around 4:30pm and your daddy had to hurry and head out to class at uvu. i was thinking about driving him there to drop him off so rilo and i could go to target to just walk around, but i just felt soooo tired. your daddy left and within five minutes of him leaving i texted him and said, "please leave your phone turned on and next to you just in case." he normally couldn't text in that class, so i wanted to be safe.
i got rilo into his high chair and started to make some dinner. i started getting really strong contractions. it was all coming on so quickly. I WASN'T READY (i needed to clean, and wash our sheets, and do all of these crazy nesting deals that i had no time for). i texted daddy and said i was having contractions. he called and asked if he should leave class. i told him no not yet and that i would let him know. we hung up and within two minutes (two different sets of contractions) i called him back and said COME HOME NOW!!!! i started cleaning. frantically. i was vacuuming doubled over while rilo was playing. it was a little after 6 and i told daddy to call your grandma robin and let her know that we would need her soon to come sit at the house. I told karson i refused to go to the hospital until after i put rilo to bed. so i told him to tell your grandma robin not until 8ish.
when i had rilo, everything moved soooooo slooooowwww. so i thought i would be completely fine. and i didn't want to just sit in that hospital bed for forever. and i really really really just wanted to put rilo to bed. by the time 7pm came along i was basically crying. the contractions hurt so so bad. i hopped into a warm tub and that helped a teensy bit. i got back out and told dada to tell whoever it was that was going to sit at our house while rilo slept that they needed to come ASAP. rilo was going to need to go to bed a half hour earlier than normal. we said our family prayer, and then i started reading to rilo. everytime a contraction came my face started to tingle, and i would try so hard to not cry and just keep reading rilos book. he would look at me and give me loves everytime a contraction came and went. it was the sweetest. i sang him songs with a very shaky voice, and put him in bed. i closed his door and was READY TO GO. i was crazy mama. seriously. i was one of those crazy pregnant women in labor and might have said a few not so nice words. i needed my epidural. your aunt and uncle got to our house to sit with rilo and then we headed to the hospital. i told your dada he needed to drive way faster because he seriously was going like five miles over the speed limit and i couldn't even feel my face because the pain was just awful. (this is so funny to type, in the moment it is so terrible and painful but now its making me laugh). we got to the hospital and i had a contraction in the parking lot. i sat down on the side walk and was laying on my side because i told daddy i just couldn't do it. (hahahaha, someone actually asked if i was alright. just a ginormous whale laying on the sidewalk of a parking lot in freezing weather). once the contraction was over, i got up and ran. i needed the epidural and did not want another contraction.
we got in and actually went to the emergency entrance because the main entrance was closed. i saw a wheel chair and knew another contraction was coming so i sat right down and started taking deep breaths. (seriously for those mamas who do it without an eipidural, you GO!!! because those things hurt so bad, and breathing doesn't even help me, it just makes it worse). i told daddy "go find someone to take me to where i need to go". i kept apologizing to him because i was so bossy, and felt so bad about it. a nurse took us to labor and delivery, and got us all checked in. the first thing i said was,"i need the epidural man, like now". i also kept apologizing to the nurses because i was such a stinker! a few not very nice words slipped out of my mouth because those dang contractions! they measured me and i was already dilated to a 7! (when i had rilo i got the epidural when i was dilated at a 4!) it seemed like a million years but they got the epidural in and everything was good, really good. they give you a button to press every 15 minutes depending on the pain. if you dont want to feel a thing, or maybe you like to feel a little, so you can press it to your desire. i pressed it once and it took the edge off.
my water broke. the nurse said after all of the years she had been there she had never seen so much water. my belly legitimately deflated. it was all baby now. i started pushing. the docter came in after a little and it was all happening so fast!
i pushed you out pretty quick, i think it was about 40ish minutes maybe quicker. when you came out everyone who was in the room with us saw you before i did, they all said "he is such a big boy!!" they laid you on my chest and i was crying the happiest tears, really. you were 9 pounds 11 ounces of pure heaven, and every single worry i had washed right away. you were and are so perfect, and i couldn't even believe i was worried that i "might" not love you as much as rilo. my heart burst when i met you sonny wilde! and grew a million times more.
they stamped your foot on a card and your foot almost didnt fit! the nurses loved how you were already chunky and so did your daddy and i!!! you had a lot of black hair, and tan skin (jaundice). we didn't have a name for you yet, so you were baby boy for a while (about a week after leaving the hospital, oops!)
the next day, daddy brought your brother over to meet you. rilo always pointed to my belly and said "baby!" and would give my belly kisses. when he saw i didn't have quite the belly anymore, he was so confused! he was excited to meet you. a little hesitant at first, but got comfortable really quick. seeing the two of you together was the best thing your daddy and i had every seen. it made us both so overwhelmed with happiness.
after lots of names coming and going, we finally decided on Sonny Wilde Payton. it fit you perfectly.
you bring so much joy to our family sonny, and we are so so SO happy you chose us!

love you forever baby boy.

I'm staring at Rilos sleeping smushed face, & I just feel so blessed that I get my two handsomes for eternity. 

Wiggliest worm.

Yesterday at church I let Rilo lay on the gym floor. He was being the wiggliest of wiggle worms and my arms were feeling like jello, so to the floor he went. It was hilarious. He rolled & rolled & rolled. And kicked the floor, and threw his head back & forth, screamed, etc. It made me smile and laugh, a lot.

Karson got home late last night. It was so happy. I can't even tell you how excited I get sitting on our little couch peeking through the window waiting until a car pulls up. When I see him get out of the car I wait for a couple of seconds & then burst open the front door. I give him the biggest hug & am barely ever ready to let go. My favorite is that we are both smiling ear to ear. 

Sweet rilo sparks has a cold. It is the most awful thing to watch your little one sick. Snot has been coming out of his nose like a faucet. The only upside to him being sick is after he sneezes, he tries to suck his snot off of his lip, acting as though it is incredibly tasty. I assume it's because it's salty, haha!!

Today while I was holding him he sneezed quite a few times and each time he rubbed his cute little nose on my shirt. You could say I had a very snotty shoulder.

Today was good, I love my little family.

mama!

not the last time karson was gone, but the time before i thought to myself,

"i think just maybe this is getting a tiny bit easier."

but then sure enough, the next time he left i felt so sad.

& now this time, i just want him to come home, darn it!

i miss you love. get on a plane.

ps. darling, you scored tonight and it was just wonderful!

---

rilo has been waking up around 5am as of late. & its starting to catch up to me.

i am exhausted!! however, i am certain the only reason why i can actually roll out of bed

at that time is because of his loud, happy, squeal he does each morning.

also, i just keep thinking about how much fun it will be with a house full of little ones. 

& to have them all wanting my attention at once. that makes me feel giddy.

i am so excited to hear "mama! mama! mama!" over and over again.

isn't our little rilo sparks such a handsome?? ah!!!!!

the last time i posted was right after he was born.

he is so grown up now. & literally just started crying in his crib.

should i go get him? or just let him cry?

hardest decision ever.

happy friday night!

facts & photos

rilo sparks: 

you have the cutest rolls. but it isn't fat, it's extra skin. you look like a little monkey sometimes. you love putting your arms up over your ears, and when you do that, your skin gets all bunched up and we just love it so much.

 your hair is pretty long in the back. and its dark, but the front of your hair is getting lighter & lighter everyday. when you wear a beanie it looks like you have a mullet! you also have lots & lots of blonde peach fuzz all over your body. you are just so handsome--like your daddy :)

 your cheeks are getting chubbier, and we just want to kiss them off. you don't seem to mind all of our kisses, so i don't think we will stop--ever.

 you suck your sweet little bottom lip--alot. you also love to grunt, and make the funniest noises. you make your dad and i laugh.

 you love your face tickled. so at night when i am beyond exhausted, and you are completely wide eyed and so awake--sometimes tickling does the trick to get you back to sleep.

 as of right now, you still like sleeping a lot. and after you have fallen asleep on my chest, we cuddle for a little, but then i need to make myself useful and try to lay you down on the bed or in your bassinet--but sure enough within five minutes you realize you aren't being cuddled anymore and i have to come pick you up. & you are such a stinker bug because right when i pick you up--within two minutes you are right back asleep. but i cant lie, i absolutely love our cuddles!

.....

he is almost three weeks old, and it makes me sad how fast time goes by. i know every one says that, but it is so true. 

---

dishes are just going to have to wait because MAMA is trying to soak up every single second i have with you!

rilo.

Before rilo sparks was born, and i mean right before--i was almost dilated to a 10. The doctor had come in, and the nurse was showing me how i needed to breathe and all of that lovely stuff. It seemed like a dream. I started crying. Not because i was scared, but i just felt so happy. I cannot explain the joy that i felt. Karson started to get emotional as well. We were finally going to bring our sweet baby boy into this world. We had been patiently waiting for nine months & I just felt so grateful to Heavenly Father for giving me the chance to be a mom, and for Karson to be dad. It was overwhelming, but the very best kind. 

It is quite amazing how you can instantly love someone so much.

Rilo Sparks, you have changed our lives forever and make our hearts so happy.

we love you forever!

back labor

In the evening on March 21, 2014 Karson was heading home from soccer and called me to ask me out on a date. We decided on Happy Sumo, one of our favorites. I was going to be 38 weeks exactly the very next day. I had a feeling rill was going to come early. My belly was so tight, and i was certain it couldn't stretch anymore. But my belly wasn't the only reason why i thought he was going to come early. I had a feeling we were going to have a boy, and i was right! Just like that feeling i thought he would be coming early, i just kept it to myself. Karson got home and we headed out. I ate almost my whole plate. I was so starving that night. And just like after every meal the heart burn began. It was really awful though, the tums weren't working their magic like they normally do. We walked around riverwoods for a little while and headed into soel because they always have darling baby clothes, etc. We then met up with some friends and decided to go bowling. I scored a whopping 22. My balance was just a little off. After bowling we headed home. We got right into bed and watched a few episodes of How I Met Your Mother. Karson could barely stay awake, so i just laid in bed, and let the heartburn, burn.

 

 I woke up around midnight. My body felt so weird, i felt almost as if i was getting sick, and my body was just hurting, especially my back. I kept getting out of bed and walking around. The pain was on and off, about every 4 or 5 minutes. I dozed off in between those couple of minutes and after waking up multiple times to the pain i thought, maybe these are contractions? I had no idea that you could have back labor--thank the heavens for google! I laid there and started timing the contractions. It went from about 5 minutes to 2 and a half very quickly. Karson was holding my hand while still trying to sleep, except evertime a contraction came i probably squeezed his hand to death. I told Karson that this could maybe be it, but i wasn't sure, and i definitely didn't want it to be a false alarm. It was about 2:45am now, and i decided to call my mom and ask her what she thought. After we hung up, i noticed some spotting and yelled downstairs to Karson that it was time to go to the hospital!

7:42

a year ago yesterday my handsome karson got down on his knee at 7:42pm and asked me to be his wife. and i love that day so much.

 sometimes i still cant believe that i get my favorite person in this entire world, forever. that is the greatest thing i've ever heard. forever with
karson payton!

35 weeks.

i am sitting in my living room and looking outside. there are so many moms walking their sweet little sunshines in their cute strollers, and i feel a little envious. however, i am just enjoying these last couple weeks as much as i can because it is the only time ever karson and i will have alone again. after our baby boy gets here life is going to be so different, but in such an amazing way and we feel so blessed and excited.

life is getting busier. and when i say life is getting busier i mean karsons life is. i have now officially conquered entertaining myself at our home, alone, every day. but lets be honest, i wont be alone every single day much longer!

35 weeks: 

-my body hurts, and my belly is stretching like crazy-- no stretch marks yet though, thank goodness!

-i have to pee all of the time. and i mean it when i say all of the time.

-baby boy kicks a ton, and sometimes its so hard that it hurts me just a little. or wakes me up and there is no point in trying to go back to sleep because once he gets started, he doesn't stop. i love it.

-my ankles haven't started swelling yet, but after a long day of standing my feet definitely need to be propped up on a pillow.

-i am so hungry, most of the time. but some days the morning sickness decides to come back and i have a difficult time with deciding what i want.

-i really enjoy creamies.

&

-hes getting so big and strong inside my belly that i have a hard time getting a good breath of air.

33 more days until april 5th.

yippppeee!

forget the butterflies.

just a couple of days ago we had a quick-ish trip to the ER. karson had left for soccer practice, which left me home alone. i started to get cramps. which usually isn't the best sign when you're pregnant. & these cramps were making me hurt really really bad. soon after, i started getting other symptoms/signs of going into labor. i called karson a million times, but he was in a meeting, so i called my mom. she said to call the doctor, and doctor was out of town and not answering. so then i called the hospital. & it was a machine talking to me. so i hung up and the water works started coming.

i felt scared. i wasn't ready for our baby to get here yet! not that i don't want him, but i knew it was be a very scary process, especially with me being only 28 weeks. (29 tomorrow). 

karson finally answered, and he raced home. we decided it was best to go to the ER and go from there. We did all sorts of tests, and listened to the baby's heartbeats and kicks for a couple hours--which was a very wonderful treat! they finally decided that it was a "tense uterus" (whatever that means) which was giving me these horrible symptoms. they gave me medicine to calm it down and away we went!

so grateful, & happy that our baby boy is still in my stomach growing and getting the nutrients that he needs. & it is such a lovely thing worrying and caring about someone that you haven't even met yet! karson and i are so excited to meet our little one.

(this picture was taken AFTER all of the tests, and everything was perfect with our baby).

the next day karson & i went up to park city for the film festival with abby and maddy. we ate at a restaurant that wasn't very good, and then saw a film that was funny & sad but at the same time not that great. however, it was a fun little outing in park city. main street is just so cute.

my love and i. i found a quote today and it says, "forget the butterflies, i feel the whole zoo when i am with you." isn't it wonderful? ---& its so true handsome :)

it was a blur.

the month of december went by oh so quickly,
and i am already feeling like january is flying past me.

karson and i picking up our first christmas tree.

a weekend trip up to salt lake with my family. & i decided to go blonde.

a baby who is growing so very quickly -- only 12 more weeks!

my handsome husbands birthday. he is a new years babe!

we moved to provo. & are beyond thrilled about it.
also, having the provo bakery exactly 1 minute away i think would make anyone happy :)

six lovely months

we celebrated our "six month anniversary" on sunday. however, the celebration turned into a weekend event. karson took me to dinner and then surprised me with a night getaway to sundance. i love my hunny. we've been married six months, but it seems so much longer--in a very good way of course.

when karson and i liked loved? each other when i was a freshmen in high school, i remember he always wanted to hold my hand. if you know me VERY well, you know that i get sweaty hands... and its not just when im nervous. its majority of the time. its embarrassing, i know. back then though, it was absolutely mortifying to me if anyone knew that i got sweaty hands. (i even remember crying about it once).

anyway, we were at a friends house, and she had a small decorative fountain in her home that was running with nice, cold water. karson and i were sitting by it, and he kept reaching for my hand and of course i kept avoiding it. for some reason i suddenly had the urge to tell him that "i dont like to hold hands because they get sweaty and it makes me nervous".

karson being karson probably laughed (i dont remember) but i do remember him putting his hand in the fountain, pulled it out, and said "madeleine now my hand is sweaty too, so we can hold hands."

i fell in love right at that moment.

karson continues to surprise me with things like "sticking his hand in a fountain" for me.

and i will always love him so much for that and feel so grateful that i got to marry him, and to continue to grow with him each day.

i'm so in love.

ps. we are 19 weeks along, & the baby wont stop moving. i am absolutely loving it!

a picnic up the canyon.

just a few days ago karson told me it was "my day" and that we could do whatever i wanted. i surprised him with a picnic - pork burrito from cafe rio - chips - and two sodas, diet coke for me and diet pepsi for him.

mm, cafe rio sounds so good right now, and its only 11 am, yikes! that is currently one of my few cravings... i am just glad that i have moved on from sunflower seeds to actual meals!

i believe that my inability to smile is from pregnancy, or at least i hope it is. we tried and tried to take a cute picture together (that i liked), but karson told me "maybe today just isn't the day". i was determined to take a couple more, especially since karson looked like a rockstar in every single picture. even my photo album wouldn't disagree with me! we eventually got one that i was OK with, and i am pretty sure i stomped back to the car, with karson laughing behind me. (from now on, in pictures i think i will just look emotionless?)



my belly is growing. so quickly. and feeling our baby each day, i cant even express to you how exciting it is feeling the little one move. even though i don't get much sleep, i love that its mostly at nighttime when i get to feel our wiggle worm the most.
the other night i had a dream that our baby was already born. it was a boy (which it usually is in all of my dreams of babies, and on occasion a baby girl will be there instead), which makes me so convinced that it is a sweet little boy. however everyone else is certain its a girl. which would be just as amazing as a boy. however, time will tell! (only a week and a half until our gender ultrasound! so excited!!)
anyway, the baby was already born, and he was sleeping just right down the hall from me and karsons room. the dream felt so real, that my entire nights rest turned into a very light sleep (actually i am not even sure if i really slept at all) to make sure i could hear if our baby was crying. when i got up the next morning, i realized that the night before even though it was just a dream was how it was going to be for probably a lot of the rest of my life. but you know what? i cant wait. i say that now, not knowing how exhausted i truly am going to be, but really. i think about karson and i being parents, and my heart wants to explode.

22 more weeks to go!

happy halloween!

i just love halloween. dressing up is one of my very favorite things. & you better believe

that i am already thinking of what me, karson, and our sweet little baby will be for next year!

& hopefully my love wont have a cast on next halloween. he broke his ankle just the night before,

but still let me dress him up because he knows how much i love this holiday.

(i also think he didn't pass it up because it was his only chance to get a pair of leggings on) :)

just a few days ago (the 29th to be exact) i woke up very suddenly because something in my belly was

definitely doing flips or something of the sort. it was the first time i had felt anything like that

and i knew instantly that it was baby payton.

it was only 6 in the morning and karson was still sound asleep so i yelled at him

 "the baby is moving!!!!"

i probably scared the living daylights out of him, but i just couldn't let him miss it!

however, even if he did miss it, there have been multiple opportunities since then to feel our little kicker! feeling the baby for the very first time was such a wonderful moment and ohhh it made me SO HAPPY.

having a baby.

it feels like an eternity when i think about when we "found out" we were

having a baby.

i remember for about a week, i was noticing some serious changes in my body.

i naturally thought i was getting a bug, or maybe that tennessee

was really getting me and it was time to head back to utah.

i wasn't sure, but come to find out, it wasn't either of those.

my sister was in town, and the more we went out to eat, the more my stomach would turn.

the night before she left, we all went out to eat, and i knew something was up when

i was having a hard time keeping down my BLT (aka, amazing sandwich).

i whispered to karson later that night that we needed a pregnancy test, asap.

the next day we dropped gabrielle off at the airport and headed home.

i felt too sick to do anything, so back to bed i went.

karson left for work and told me to go to the store to get what i needed.

i was so scared.

but kind of excited.

but nervous, because this wasn't planned, and i am kind of a "planner" with things like this.

i took one pregnancy test.

and it was VERY positive.

but then my crazy brain told me that it wasn't right so i took a second one.

that one was very positive as well.

i was so so stunned. & then i cried because i felt so happy.

karson was still at work and kept calling me asking if i had taken a test yet.

i had to lie. i didn't want to tell him on the phone!

so i whipped out my artistic skills to make the surprise a little more fun. (i know, i am amazing.)

 he was so excited, and it was such a sweet moment for both of us.

and i loved seeing my handsome hunny so thrilled.

-almost 17 weeks pregnant.
-growing so quickly, my belly feels like it could pop.
-i can actually sit by karson when he eats dinner now.
-i am starting to have some good days, which makes my life so much better.
-our baby loves to kick, and hearing its heartbeat makes my heart feel so excited.

pregnancy.

my handsome hubby and i are having a baby, and our hearts are so happy!

i have so many things to write, but i've erased my sentence a million times

just not knowing how to say it.

really quick, i am pretty positive that i have every pregnancy symptom there

was ever made. nausea (morning sickness all day long), emotional roller coaster, 

fatigue, leg cramps, back ache, smells make me spin, headaches, etc.

please do not think that i am in any way complaining! i read this thing on one

of my MANY pregnancy apps... that having symptoms such as i do, is a good

thing & the hormones are all working. 

so anytime i throw up, or am dry heaving (sorry, this is for me to remember)

i just think, ok my hormones are working, which means the baby is doing its 

amazing thing that it needs to do.

i am not going to lie though. feeling sick all day does occasionally get to me,

and there have been some tears shed, but karson is always right there telling me

its going to be ok. which does help tremendously.

on a funnier note.

one of my symptoms i wrote was "emotional roller coaster".

even though i feel sick most of the day, there are some foods that

sound somewhat good to me, and those foods i can usually keep

down really well. one of those foods is a -vegas roll- from happy

sumo. i think it has to do with it being fried, and somewhat a comfort

food. anyway, last night karson and i went there on a double date.

i ordered my vegas roll and was so excited to get that thing in my mouth.

my first emotional experience in public:

we went out with one of karsons good friends from middle school, and he

was talking about how him and karson used to sit outside and karson would look at me

and tell his friend that one day he was going to marry me.

i've heard these stories a thousand times, and they always touch my

heart and make me happy... but we were at dinner, and all of a sudden i 

can feel my eyes watering. yes, i was about to start crying! it was just

such a cute story, and of course they were happy tears, but i had absolutely

no control! however, no one noticed so i thought i was definitely off the hook.

but then there was a 2nd:

ever since karson introduced me to the vegas roll, i have been a very big

fan of the -end pieces- on the rolls. so i'll start eating from the middle to 

the ends.

karson knows that. and last night when the waitress brought our food,

i first glanced at the end pieces to see "how they looked". and one

of my end pieces looked incredibly tasty, and my taste buds were

salivating, which doesn't happen that often anymore. so you can imagine

my excitement to eat those two end pieces.

i had just eaten a couple of pieces in the middle and looked away for literally two seconds.

i looked back and in the corner of my eye, i can see karsons face. and it was a
"i just

did something and I'm trying not to smile face". so i don't hesitate for one second

and look straight down at my plate and he had eaten the end piece that had made

my taste buds salivate.

i looked at him, and asked him why on earth he did that. and then my eyes started to

get really really big (which happens when I'm about to start crying, and karson

knows that look oh so well). he immediately starts telling me how sorry he is,

and that he feels so bad, and kept pulling me in to hug me. but then it just happened. 

i started to cry. and it wasn't just crying, it was very close to sobbing. & in happy sumo!

that is a little embarrassing, maybe a lot embarrassing. i made the other date laugh. 

which is a good thing i suppose.

oh pregnancy and the wonderful emotions it brings along with it!

ps. sorry if that did not make any sense. i feel like i don't even know how to write

anymore, and i am most definitely going to blame it on pregnancy brain.

&

ps, one more time. karson is going to be the best daddy around, and that makes my 

heart happy!

birthday cake fiasco

my birthday happened yesterday.

& sometimes i really wish that it occurred more than just once a year,

but it doesn't.

so when the day comes you can guarantee it is a well planned day, along with a well planned

birthday week!

---

a couple of weeks ago we went to Buffalo Wild Wings for the first time,

and i have been craving it ever since.

as part of my birthday week, i planned to go there the night before my

birthday, which we did!

& it was definitely satisfying.

 we got home from dinner and a couple of errands.

& i started making my birthday cake.

"mud pie"

my mom has made this cake for me ever since i can remember,

so of course it was needed... even if she wasn't here to make it.

---

while i was cake making, karson was wrapping presents.

---

we started a new tradition.

once the clock strikes midnight, you get to open "just one present!"

& i am pretty sure this tradition started because karson is the worst

secret keeper, and could not wait for me to see all of my new surprises.

which were all darling, by the way.

(he has the best taste).

oh, & isn't his wrapping job amazing?

(he used some of my elastic for a ribbon).

 i woke up to the nicest notes, and he got me some flowers.

 i had a birthday cake fiasco.

i taste tested my "mud pie" to make sure it was up to par,

& IT WASN"T.

which tends to happen to me quite often when i am trying to make something exactly like my mama.

it just never tastes as good.

i was distraught. and about to have the teeniest melt down.

so we hurried and whipped up a vanilla cake, with pink frosting.

& it was a "happy" birthday again, and wouldn't of happened without karson!

ps. 20 candles takes a VERY big breath to blow out.

goop.

i found a face cleansing gem on pinterest.

my face feels so smooth, and my complexion looks kind of awesome.

(i am not bragging, just being honest.)

please please please try this out!

1 T. ground up oats (i put a handful of oats in my blender.

1 tsp. baking soda

2 tsp. water

this goop is very goopy, and looks a bit disgusting.

leave it on your face for 20 minutes 

and your face will feel and look fabulous!